My New Job is at The Onion

I'm no fool. This is an old Star Trek set outside of Simi.

It's not? Let's go girl!

Vetting Veterans Post

Missouri Football Coach Shot, Killed

“Tragic Mistake,” Says Nixon

Andrea Leadbetter

Columbia November 11, 2015 (UFO)—Veterans Day celebrations were cancelled on the troubled University of Missouri campus after a traffic stop during which Gary Pinkel, 55 was shot and killed by a University of Missouri police officer in a case of mistaken identity. Officer Rahwon Siki was advised incorrectly that the coach was a fleeing felon and fired into a vehicle when the Missouri football coach refused to exit his car. The campus had recently been in turmoil due to allegations of …TIME-SPACE-CONTIUUM WARP…

The mafia Panavision camera finds a guy who looks a lot like Bill Hughes on the Columbia Missouri redneck as hell Lilly-white 1975 campus. He enters the firetrap rooming house Hollywood carpenters have constructed quickly, because the real one is certainly gone. After a buddy is not there, we tour the engineering building that is likely still there. The vegetarian sub? The bar featuring a band that is still playing out—yawn—in Saint Louis during December? In “The {Iran-Contra} Loop?” And, and how about Stephens College, which in that era was just like Animal House where certainly Holly Jew Boy includes a scene where Julie hides Bill in the room, only to be “busted” by the dorm mommy. So Julie, after roughly a dozen pitchers of cheap beer, slept in her room, Hughes in the car. No cop would dare bother a sleeping Hughes in his Datsun back then. Today? As was said in the 1970’s, “We’re not going there.”

How about we go to the airplane junkyard Bill already found in Utah, run a power cord with correct amperage & voltage to the front of the airplane, and if you don’t behave yourselves, instead of:

“We’ve lost vertical control of our airplane”

(Full of liberals, right Mormon airman?)

You are going to get it right between the Jose Oquendo “secret weapon” eyes with:

“Okay, left turn to one eight zero. Left turn, okay?”

(Nixon ordered JFK killed and got away with it? 

Surely not a “news story” to the average Pod Boy and Sex Kitten in USA under 30) 

[F.B.I. stole documents from the wreckage, a C.I.A. idiot who survived was wearing a parachute, but no one cared, and this Canadian went in what federal office on what day? 07-31-2006 Can you spell “terrorist?” You don’t know “180” refers to what direction you are traveling, and to comical .mil spooks who littered air disasters with “Hughes did it” clues? It’s also “One, Howard’s Pilot License” to crazy military types who should, as my very civilian uncles said, be “Lined-up and shot.” This is not the Department of State’s job, but they sure do, as they say in California, “Kill ‘ya sneaky.” I can, and many will, allege rampant U.S.-sponsored terrorism in additional EU languages when I get the hell O-U-T of Saint Louis, Missouri].

Number Kooks, it was microfilmed on 03-12-71, and you can read it too!

£There was no public hearing, and you scummy sailors should fear the possibility of a “Watergate figure” being allowed to stay alive in the Opaque Police State/Military Dick Tater Ship. My phone works, last I checked, and Watergate did bother me, Alabama Rockers. Rand Paul? Too frank. Did you read his rather short bill covering the NSA? It’s on the net, soldier.



Dita who?

3-Way Race

Leon

Ben

Don

My thanks to the Chicago Mafia for their loan of a Time Intensity Tachometer Synchronization System (TITSS), and thus the following transcript from a dimensional shift, where in that timeline, someone lent me a lousy $525 and drove a vehicle to Washington D.C.

“Good morning. Is this on? Is that thing running? Raise your hand in the back if you can see it on the Internet. Okay. I will now give my opinion of the remaining candidates for president, and then move on to a Greek island I just purchased. Ben Carson we will dispense with first. A retrospective psychiatric analysis indicates this man has been a highly functional schizophrenic since high school. I, for one, have tired of his muddled rambling, loose associations, and unintelligible mumbling. Mister Trump, like Ted Turner, needs to remain on his lithium carbonate. Loud, blustering, racist, and only cognizant of private sector culture, he is simply a big, bipolar joke. The bottom line is, the man is not qualified for the office, and neither was Obama. That brings us to President Panetta, who would surely run your country along with the latest slutty nurse employed by First Gentleman Bill Clinton after another heart attack, in the event of a Hillary Clinton victory. I’ve called the JFK Library night watchman too many times, so by now, Ed Schlossberg’s giggling secretary, who speaks poor English, may know the joke’s on Ed, and therefore, since I was permitted to use an Android device, I now recommend the Department of State find someone who can speak English in Tokyo to answer the damn phone. If I were Secretary of State, I’d insist those people speak English. If I were Director of National Intelligence, I’d find some people who can speak the native language of those who you repeatedly oppress. Sadly, I’ve turned out to be the richest SOB on Earth, so if I may sit on a beach in the south of France, I’ll pay those alcoholic socialists whatever they want to be left alone. I value industry and productivity, so I’ve had to hire people to teach me to do nothing. Idle and rich; that’s me until the day I die. If you are looking for the top of that evil capitalist pyramid, look no further. When my island compound is ready, perhaps Caroline Kennedy will yell at me, because I do not know how to tie knots, adjust sails, and so forth. If the boat sinks, we will surely drown, and Rose Kennedy knew this long ago. Who killed JFK? I suspect Ms. Kennedy read-up on this in high school, while I had to review supposedly Top Secret documents that downloaded just fine once some idiot had put his or her initials on the declassification. My apartment was 109, like the boat. I lived on Alamo, but not like the event in Texas. My address was nine-one-one, and I thought nothing of it. The address was “thirty,” and the street was spelled like a British street? I later lived on Michigan Avenue, but not in Chicago. A lifetime of “spy games” played on an honest man has come to this: Go to hell, all of you, and I’ll take not one fucking question. Goodbye. Have a shitty day!”

[SOUND OF AUDIO FEEDBACK]

END OF RECORDING

FBC Productions Ltd.

ScareBus C350

We don’t care about Sir John Lennon’s guitar.

Bomb, you say?

Bottom row.

Fourth from the left.

Also fourth from the right.

Packing explosives?

Forgot to board the aircraft?

We know that old trick.

Where did I see her?

I’d better see the “Welcome to Canada” sign, Mr. Obama.

Soon.

As Charlie used to shout…Silence!

BH

 

George

Sam

The Sanctity of Marriage, by Marx

Given Catholics do not believe in sex before marriage, the Hughes-Hilton sex tape will not be available until after the wedding. If Ms. Hilton can still walk, there will be a press conference at her downtown LA hotel. After the inevitable divorce, Mr. Hughes will take up iconoclastic residence in a Hilton hotel room next to the Federal Reserve Bank in Saint Louis to better count the money and complain about economic matters endlessly. The divorce decree will award Ms. Hilton the satellites from Boeing. That will explain your technical difficulties when she grabs the remote and says, “That show sucks.” All gone. And? “That preacher is crazy.” Gone. The television term is “snow,” Reverend.  Should there be marijuana in the room, this will be perfectly legal soon in “PotHead Nation.” Hughes will attempt reconciliation, with lame lines like, “Honey, put down that bong and come back to papa.” And? “Honey, please don’t mess with the video of Hillary’s impeachment hearings.” The next California spouse will strip Raytheon of those missiles. Who is the lucky gal to receive a call from Oz Hughes and hear, “Honey, don’t shoot, I just got back from Iran, and…”

ZZZZzzzz

USA, What's Wrong With Your Cops?

This Bobby is dead.

This Bobby can explain the latest nutty cop behavior.

No?

Who 'dat, scummy sailor?

Crew-cut soldier?

HH in NV

"Johnny! Johnny! Where the hell is Johnny? Johnny, get over there and tell those bastards I cannot run a business with this shit going on. Why the fuck can’t they do that shit underground? That crap is no good for ‘ya. They think it’s okay? Did God give them a brain? Those fuckers are nuts! My building is shaking! You fuckers are scaring my guests! What the hell is that? People want to have a good time in this town. Why the fuck won’t they stop that shit? Bob! Bob, get me a goddamn plane. I don’t care which one! Just get a fucking plane, man. Bob’s not here? Well get him on the fucking phone. Where am I going? Why do you care? Since when do you give a shit? Bob? Hello, this is Howard. Howard Hughes, and don't be fucking with me today. I got so many problems today I can't count 'em. Now Bob, I don’t want to hear it. Bob! I’m getting in the goddamn plane, and you are gonna tell Haldemann that I’m tired of all this shit out here. Jesus Christ! It’s getting to the point where a man can’t make a legit dollar out here. Man, I’m getting rid of these dumps someday. More trouble than it's worth! How’s Billy doing?"

Safe and Restful Sleep

2 Hours in London
2 Hours in Syria
12 Hours in Saint Louis 


BH