No, I'm not deleting it, as it's "hughes mailbox cleaning day"--until I'm tossed from a certain coffee stop based on someone else's nutty behavior. Got a minimum wage job? Toss the white guy out! [Don't make me come back with a firearm, as it could get ugly]. I'm pleased to be reading my own screenplay, where the BILL character is not me, amateur mental health professionals. Well, maybe a little. Not HH's grandson? Tell it to the judge.
INT. AIR BASE - CONTINUOUS
SUPER: “Patrick Air Force Base,
Brevard County Florida”
A WATCH COMMANDER tends to
several tasks simultaneously.
WATCH COMMANDER
Not funny.
He addresses subordinates at
work.
WATCH COMMANDER
Navy’s got Growlers. What are
they saying?
RADIO MAN
I’m trying to find out, sir.
WATCH COMMANDER
Try harder.
CUT TO:
EXT. OPEN AIRSPACE – CONTINUOUS
The EA-18 Growler rolls left to
right uncontrollably. Bill is uncharacteristically struggling.
BILL
My rudder has a mind of its own,
and this is not good.
CUT TO:
INT. FORD/BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
RADIO MAN
Yankee’s losin’ it.
ADMIRAL
How so?
RADIO MAN
Airplane’s got a mind of its own.
Here’s the audio.
The Admiral walks over to a walnut box on the wall. He quickly works a combination lock. Produces a bottle of JACK DANIELS and some metal cups.
CUT TO:
EXT. OPEN AIR SPACE - CONTINUOUS
Both of the EA-18’s missiles
ignite and fire.
BILL
Missiles away! Can’t do a damn
thing about it! Anything’s that ‘auto’ won’t let go.
CUT TO:
INT. FORD/BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
Several of the other officers are
hovering around the Admiral. He sets the bottle down, pours a shot, and takes a
belt.
ADMIRAL
(to officers)
Help yourself.
A Captain pours a drink.
CAPTAIN
Thank you, sir.
ADMIRAL
Any suggestions?
BILL
(on speaker)
Punch out while the punching’s
good, but not yet.
CAPTAIN
Don’t get yourself killed.
BILL
Not today.
CUT TO:
INT. EA-18 GROWLER - CONTINUOUS
A panel of flashing yellow and
red lights flash.
BILL
Can I drop the ALQ ninety nine?
CAPTAIN
(filtered on Bill’s headset)
Who knows?
BILL
ALQ two eighteen shut down. That
helped a little.
CAPTAIN
(filtered)
We’re checking with Northrup on
jettisoning that crap.
BILL
Whoa doggies!
CUT TO:
EXT. EA-18 GROWLER – CONTINUOUS
The missile-less Growler has
nose-dived.
CAPTAIN (O.S.)
(filtered)
We see the telemetry. Please exit
the airplane.
BILL (V.O.)
(also filtered)
Not just yet.
The plane begins corkscrewing.
CAPTAIN
Right now, Hobart.
BILL
No way. I’m using the ALQ
ninety-nine against the rest of it.
CUT TO:
INT. FORD/BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS
As the Admiral takes another shot
of bourbon, the Captain holds his head in his hands.
CAPTAIN
That might work.
ADMIRAL
Seventy-four million for that
thing?
Off-screen, a TECHIE shouts.
TECHIE
That’s unrecoverable! He’s gotta
get out of there!
CUT TO:
INT. EA-18 GROWLER – CONTINUOUS
As the world spins around, lights
flash, and ALARMS sound, Bill cocks a lever.
BILL
I’m starting to agree.
CAPTAIN (O.S.)
(filtered)
I’m not ordering you to.
BILL
No need. This puppy won’t get
well. I got a voltage drop I don’t like.
TECHIE
(filtered)
Now, you idiot!
Bill’s thumb hits a RED BUTTON.
Nothing happens.
BILL
No go. I may be toast.
ADMIRAL
Jesus Christ, you people annoy
me.
CUT TO:
EXT. MOUNTAINOUS TERRAIN –
CONTINUOUS
The jet is dangerously low.
BILL
Everything’s off, but the
you-know-what!
SOUND: BANG.
The canopy flies open, and Bill
ejects from the airplane.
CUT TO:
EXT. JUNGLE TREE - LATER
Bill hangs from a tree in the
familiar paratrooper dilemma.
BILL
Goddamn! Where's that fucking
knife?
He produces a knife, cuts one of
the cords, fumbles it, and it drops out of sight.
BILL
Fuck!
Bill kicks in the air, trying to
reach a branch.
BILL (cont'd)
Shit! Those fucking classes on
this shit...now what?
CUT TO:
**AFF = Austin Film Festival, AND I ALWAYS HAVE A FAVORITE LINE IN MINE. IN THIS ONE IT'S THE "Any suggestions?" not spoken in a movie as above.
Missing moon rocks?
Must be NASA dirty work. May I "Call the cops?" Later, not now.
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