Wizard of Oz/Blizzard of Chad

My assistant will remain updated on her pod and distribute condoms as needed.

"It always comes down to Florida."

- Marco Rubio

"The button doesn't work in Florida."

- P.B. Finkle

Can’t They All Be Fired?

Campaign Crashed? #1 = Sex Act #2 = Money Missing #3 Big Blunder

Who was spying on me in 1972 Kentucky? The photo I may have still had in a box shows me playing tennis and beating the tar out of my step-brother. Who is “Broom Hilda” in the sweatpants? Ah ha! She is explained by the chasing of tennis balls. I said to the cute 16 year-old, “How did you do that?” “I took lessons," she said.

Some political families are very athletic. Mine? We sit and study to ace the bar exam. How the hell can anyone do that? Charlie Evans did. Me? I said, “I’m not lying to make a living.” Yes, I asked a law school Dean the “Guilty as hell” question and did not like his answer.

That was it! That’s all!

How about this for your Con_stitution?

“The President of the United States shall not be an attorney-at-law.”

Oh, now we all love lawyers!

Please fax a good lawyer joke to:

(713) 439-8181

My personal favorite is:

“What’s a good lawyer?”

“One chained-up on the bottom of the ocean.”

Deputy, the guilty party who told me that one is still at (805) 381-2744

“The Real Iran: My Years With a Hookah and Hooker.” The author is in Red Bud, Illinois signing books. May I have a ride?