Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Dear Abby

"Dear Abby" was an advice column.
Pat Buchanan was in the paper too.
It was on paper. There was no goddamn Internet.



Someone next to Trump said I should “watch out” on Fridays, then closed her Twitter account. _Bill

October 29, 2017


Dear Abby -

I here “confess” to stealing some memorable Cornell characters and putting them in an absolutely fictional screenplay. How about my 1984 bookstore colleague Frank Dutton? Frank was the secret “porno dropper” among highly academic textbooks. Why would anyone “snitch” on Frank? He was always enthralled with gruesome murders and the location of Ithaca cops. My recurrent joke was: “Ithaca cops? Frank, I’ve never seen those guys.”

I saw them in 2008 when I drove up the Buffalo Street hill for nostalgia. Two cops were at the bottom of the hill, one on each side of the street waving as my later wrecked by Russian cocaine dealers vehicle went up to Collegetown. Same old stuff up there, so I departed and never want to see that miserable town again, except for when a “mafia claw” arrives for the demolition of the evil house at 420 W. Buffalo. What happened at W. Buffalo & N. Corn exactly on the fifth anniversary of the attempt on Ronald Reagan’s life? An big jackass waved a handgun at me and a guy stuck an Uzi submachine gun in my face. I ran, wouldn’t you?

A big clean-up job is needed at Secret Service.
Why?
I don’t like Trump, but I’d hate to see his butt killed.

Daddy was one of those Secret Service guys, back when they were really, really, secret.
The false report was: “Charlie, he can’t hit the broad side of a barn.”

Daddy’s call…let Oswald take a shot, or not.

They knew all about him (C.I.A. & Secret Service).

I know who dished the bad assessment, and…?

See you in Canada, because your USA is beyond recovery from a fascistic tailspin. Charles E. Hughes paid for his error by  residing in the LBJ doghouse for many years taking dictation and typing letters on a typewriter identical to the president’s. The prose is unmistakable, and is that of my late dad’s on an LBJ-corrected document nobody is stealing so I have to find it again on the TOP SECRET Internet.

“Back in the saddle” by 1980? I seem to recall saying this to my ex-spouse: “I think it’s Caroline Kennedy up at that office.” The wife said, “Why don’t you go in there and talk to her?” The tragedy no human seems to comprehend in this drug-demented nation is that if I had, Ted Kennedy still loses and does not even make it to the Wisconsin Presidential Primary. Caroline  would have given no clue about who had come in the door, and so I can’t wait to drag her and hubby Ed into a federal courtroom. (I’ve had 8mm film confiscated that caught the Kennedy’s on vacation with our impoverished family).  

As for my uncles, all of them said, “It will be like a bull in a china shop” (when I figure out who I am). That’s Howard Hughes’ son, dear.


William Hughes, MSW, QMHP
 

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