Thursday, April 28, 2016

This Just IN~OUT

It is my understanding that unlike the Saint Louis County cops...
they got out of the car!

Catch any terrorists before they did something naughty?

I'm sorry I'm still alive.
(A dollar for every time I gave out that number. No?)

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

CSPAN-2 & CSPAN-3 / The Eyes Have It

My screenplay character name pal is the daughter of a cop?
Who told me, GangBangers?
The U.S. Senator I called on the pop star's Galaxy phone.
Are you kidding? 

Don't make me call uncle Steve!

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

9185 Heritage Drive

I'm not talking about Bush, you twit!

Is he named after a Saint Louis street?

Perhaps Scott AFB wheeler-dealers know.

“Where did you get the cocaine?”
“On the air base.”

How many times did this Hughes get the same answer to the same question?
Did I mention I need a job?

Monday, April 25, 2016

Answer the question!


My Cousin

This is a problem?
Back at the Futility Station...


William C. Hughes
216 Nagel Avenue
St. Louis, MO  63111

Mitch Rose
Creative Artists Agency
2000 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, CA  90067

Dear Mitch –

I was referred to you by Direct Management Group because when I am not busy trying to save the world by pulling off Donald Trump’s hairpiece in a small town Iowa living room, I write screenplays no one wants due to my last name. That is not what this “pitch” is about.

Ever slept on a Chinatown bus stop with gangsters discussing your fate? No black & white cars go by during that meeting I can assure you from bitter, let’s muscle-up and nuke California off the map experience. Swiss and Iranian females teamed-up to get me out of that downtown LA mess, so I could return to the city where I was raised and be alleged to be crazy 24/7. Good thing the cops and courts don’t agree.

This project was conceived on a #73 to #48 Metrobus break after a nut threatened to shoot me, per U.S. Government “psy-op” protocol. A black female displayed a sign indicating she was homeless and we started talking. She claims to be retired from the Post Office; my long tour of duty was with the Missouri Department of Mental Health. For that, I get two glasses of Chablis Malibu lunch money ($511). Trouble is, that’s supposed to fund a month of my existence, Mitch.

I assess this woman to be sane and to be from the same neighborhood as Cedric the Entertainer. My college comedian pal Rich Hall made a lot of money, and I really shook hands with the late Senator George McGovern. This does not light the sound board I know how to run at a benefit concert for homeless—only MONEY does.

Let’s agree straightaway to not talk about money, because my drunk brother-in-law isn’t a studio musician and knows no one in Nashville, I am sure. On the bus, I told Ms. Woodland I have long wanted a Green Room word or two with local knucklehead Nelly and his Lunatics. This brings me to Ms. Perry’s Zip Code 91362 behavior at Von’s, which is wholly deniable. Leave it to me to use public computers to determine Kate’s “move” was from Maltese Falcon. You can watch it tonight; I can’t with no TV, internet, or phone that works properly, and as for reports to Republican senators detailing how my mail is seldom delivered or received, I’d rather smoke cheap generic cigarettes and stare at the walls.

Lynch mob for Obama? Sir, Secret Service knows I have no rope or motor vehicle, so we’re safe thus far. As my Algerian associates have said, “Why is this taking so long?” How long to organize a benefit featuring Perry, Nelly, and the latest C&W female with lyrics implying you can tear up a cheater’s truck and not go to jail? FYI: Perry song on 106.5 here in Bob Costas’ town at 5:55 a.m. as I typed this. What is that, Rose? As my Star Trek Hollywood tutor said, “My Social Security Check is bigger than my royalty check.” [It could happen to Ms. Perry too, absent competent financial management].

By the next day, my former business partner had texted back to make the same old 1970’s excuses. The other survivor of we six? Probably sitting in the truck at a switching console for the Cardinal baseball game, but we are really mere hicks who know next to nothing. The prematurely deceased? A TELEDYNE guy, a GENERAL DYNAMICS–BOEING fool, and a late MANHATTAN THEATRE CLUB honcho. Me? I figured that when a TWA jet almost took out the left field bank of lights at Shea Stadium, the tower told him to. Really, he was probably looking out the window and muttering, “Doesn’t he get it?”

Now I do. How about I dress like Howard Hughes’ son as Bob Hope out golfing and MC? No charge.



Sunday, April 24, 2016

Lawyers, Lawyers, Excitable Lawyers

I was in the Quad Cities during 2007. Must I discuss it without compensation?

President Barack Obama, for whom Prince was a White House guest last year, said he and his wife "joined millions of fans from around the world" in mourning Prince's sudden death.

The Associated Press has reported that Quad City International Airport public safety manager Jeff Patterson said a private Falcon 900 plane made a "medical diversion landing" at 1:17 a.m. on April 15. He said the plane requested an ambulance at the airport and that a patient was taken to the hospital.

BFU concluded that the probable cause of the accident was:

The longer landing distance due to the increase in approach speed which was not considered.
The airplane touched down late on the runway.
A go-around was considered too late.
A go-around was not performed.
The engine power was reduced too late.
A malfunction of the thrust reverser counteracted the braking force and led to the extension of the landing distance.

They love that number 9. Who are they? What are they?

Thursday, April 21, 2016


JFK used two types of Dictaphone.

Are the discs BLUE or GREEN on the "other one?"


Erecting bleachers across from the house Hughes does not reside at?

What's that legal address, Mr. Turner?

911 St. Rita Avenue 2S
St. Louis, MO  63105

"Now Bill, that doesn't prove a thing. You need to report to St. Vincent's for some medicine Gayle took with booze for a better buzz."

"Charlie, Bobby's wiretaps aren't getting us a damn thing we can use. I think they know the phones are tapped. Could you attend the next convention and..."

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

DickDaBelt Way

The Kennedy library will be closed for renovations until further notice. NARA recommends a visit to the George W. Bush Presidential Library. Be sure to buy some souvenirs, or else.

U.S. Navy Seal Dumpster Divers will be polishing-up Charles Hughes' machine for the Smithsonian. His son will be there to denigrate USA's current president at length, and kick off the big Jack Schlossberg push to lower the age for White House detention.

At times I seem to be speaking Greek. Perhaps I should learn their language and emigrate if John Kerry's troops could look up my mother's birthday and thereby complete the Passport "stumper" question. The family knows? What family?

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

SUNDAY = Bonanza, Murder She Wrote, or Disney?

Pappy Bush? I saw his signature. No stamp, no secretary.


Dear Archivists –

This should end up in the Boston Globe, but with all of the “Trump Mania” I’m sure they have other things on their pea-sized brains. During one of your flurries of documents and photos released, I noted that JFK had a Dictaphone machine like my late father’s. As with today, when he could no longer buy the “software,” he gave it to me in 1965. I tossed it out when I got my first 7” reel tape recorder, or did I?

The question here is, did the president’s machine use the same software? If it did, I’m going to allege dad’s recordings were White House bound, and we are not going to keep this secret, are we? No! During 1960-1963, we would go down to his office where I was told, “Don’t play with the postage meter,” etc. Could your six year old kid sit at the conference table quietly for many hours? I did. Charles Edward Hughes typed upwards of 70 words per minute and knew how to take shorthand. Therefore, the dictation was not for St. Louis. I was in the white Impala when boxes of recordings went in the mail. To who?

If it is to “Jack,” that might be why I caught Caroline Kennedy on 8mm film in 1972, and I will swear in a court of law it is her. What is the evening TV entertainment on that memorable vacation? The DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION, starring George McGovern, who I talked to for about 45 minutes in 1985. I said, “Senator don’t you have to get ready for your speaking engagement?” He said what?

“Aw, I like talking to you.”

My cassette tape of him was taken from me along with the aforementioned film. Time for some arrests over that mess, I’d say. Witnesses? 1972 teen buddies Stan W. and Jim G. are missing in action, and Kevin K. died way too young. Librarians, it is time to admit that was Caroline Kennedy at the pinball machine. I recall she asked what to do after the machine went into TILT mode. Since Pinball Wizard Hughes had won some games, the quote was, “Press the button.” Good thing she has no presidential ambitions!


William C. Hughes       

Do you say eye-d-ology or id-eology? I like the former, MethBeth BrainJacks

Friday, April 15, 2016

Addresses Since A.PT-109

6411 + 911 + 30 + 2200 + 5819 + 216 = 13,547

The clue from Bombardier Bob was, “I had one shot to put out that engine fire.”
[Hughes does not think much about his name, even with USAF girlfriends]

SAGE SERIES EDITORS: “That ain’t liberal”

In today’s much anticipated second edition of “That ain’t liberal,” we will address the VFW Hall* and lame-assed VA with one shot.


Ms. Willis-

I would hope two or more Vets got an idea like, “Let’s buy a truck and move people cheap.” If they had this brilliant idea, please inform me of how to contact them.


Bill Hughes

*Soldiers, do not get smart and plot to bump off your spouse, because there is always a seemingly drunk Illinois cop in there. My STP warned me to never go to the BBQ with Charlie; don’t take it personally.