Darn, Wrong Alison

Stories! Love Letters!! Nonfiction Prose!!! Movie Pitches!!!!

07.25.2016

My uncle Ralph Hughes worked in Baton Rouge for Cargill many years, and this made sense given he had married a French Canadian named Marie. When Ralph died suddenly, my father made no arrangements to attend his funeral. I even offered to pay for the flight, but all he would say is, “I don’t like the way Marie is talking.” Last year, desperate for political help, I called a U.S. Senator’s office down there. He had a very smart female aide who said, “I’m not afraid of bad neighborhoods” [Like mine]. When I called a state official, he said, “Mister Hughes, welcome to Louisiana.”

This is another example of how, like in the entertainment business, lately people tell you anything to move on, terminate the call, get you off their back, etc. I never did that on the other end of a state government phone when people were looking for HELP. Back to Uncle Ralph, he laughed and cut-up almost the entire limousine ride when granny died. As with my maternal grandmother, she died poor, but the funeral procession looked like an heir to the brewery died. When I said, “Did you guys spend all of the insurance money on this funeral?” the driver looked in the rear-view mirror.

It took me from 1997 to 2007 to figure out what was so funny to Ralph. The limo driver was very old, 6’3” with a neatly trimmed gray beard, and for some reason got out of the vehicle to stretch his long legs at the VA Cemetery. J. Edgar Hoover did not think Howard had died, and I can prove granny died twice. (The records at the cemetery and funeral parlor do not match on the date). Where are the hospital records? At a hospital corporation with the same name as the one I’ve claimed to be born at in Canada. The Canadian consulate gave me an appointment on my birthday. No lie; and Richard/“Ricky” would not change his story about it. Second City is in New York now? The Cubs moved to Phoenix? How would I know with so little internet?

I made an 8mm production in 1966 with sound-synched tape lampooning The French Chef. Possibly Meryl Streep found out about this and played Julia too. If I had so much as high-tech U-tube money, I’d find an Obama look-alike for a voice over of: “President Obama personally joined the fight against ISLE today, as his motorcade was ambushed by several gunmen with AR-15 rifles.” You can guess the rest.

If only my Manhattan Theater Club honcho hadn’t died young. The “Freshman Challenge” at his college theatre department was to do something impressive straightaway. They built an identical “Hollywood Squares” set in 48 hours. When I saw it, I said, “How are the actors getting to the third floor?” Mike gazed at the set and said, “I didn’t think of that.”

Bill Hughes

>>Please share with winos, subversives, and unemployed actors<<

Welcome to Our Nightmare

12.12.2017

Dear Professor Gottfried:

I tire of typing, so please read the messages below to our newspaper like the Ithaca Times, where some pieces of my writing were posted in the mid-1980’s. When I worked at the Campus Store textbook information desk, I often said, “Carl Sagan does not require a book.” My joke was, “Does he show up for class?” Regarding Cornell Professor Alfred Kahn, my supposedly Republican father, Charles E. Hughes was pleased when I told the man who looked like Howard R. Hughes Jr. this regarding “deregulation” guru Kahn: “I skimmed his book. The guy is full of shit.” All I wanted from my late dad’s office was the Interstate Commerce Commission map and a big ornate ashtray. The problem was, while being tortured by left & right-wind extremists in California, nobody told me he had died.

The absurd spy “blowback” goes right to the door of Day Hall. I’d like to run for political office. Two key points:

1.      No more Second Amendment as we’ve known it.

2.      No more nuclear weapons—period.

Too verbose? I think not. Surely, a few liberal Cornell faculty could donate some money. I’m further sure they are unable to obsess about CNN all day like your Diet Coke swilling president.    

Thanks,

William C. Hughes

Marlborough, MO

12/09/2017

Sarah –

I thought I had a New York City 9/11 witness, but now she’s afraid she would be fired if we continue our conversation. Pardon me for alleging about 50,000 died that day because of Americans and their incessant terroristic plotting that started here, in good old St. Louis. (Lots of toxic stuff was released into the New York air, I’ve learned). They unfortunately only keep track of deceased “First Responders.” When I was e-mailed about Jamie fearing for her job, and life I’d speculate, she misspelled my name! (I noticed this a few days ago. The e-mail is way older than that). The most popular way to do it is “Huges.” The Congressional Record used “Hushes” for William J. Hughes. Why would the former congressman write to me again? As Bonnie Dummar said of my postal letter to Brigham City, Utah: “One is enough.”

Moving right along to what might be a “White Slave Ring” over here in Marlborough, I’d say that would be offensive to today’s “feminist.” This writer always minimizes, but suddenly today after I spoke to you I wondered if the “system” is: Drop that bitch off at the motel office and see if someone claims her. I’ve seen this quaint practice with my own eyes. You’ve come a long way, baby? Not on Old Route 66. Call the police? Not when they might be having sex with whores behind oddly darkened St. Louis County cop car windows. Clean cop? That’s an oxymoron around here.

Bill

12/05/2017

Ms. Penske –

Watching CNN? The old government-newspaperman joke is: “Nothing to see here” when there most certainly is a dead body and smoking gun. My source of evil has been variously nicknamed “Boss Lady,” “Little Darling,” or “The Wicked Witch” and I’m not getting vulgar for a new one while continuing to try and tell people you are not “getting it,” though one guy at KTRS wrote back and stated he did. So did a legislator!

She said what?

She went to St. Petersburg Russia, not Moscow, I was told. That was not what she said before the trip, Sarah. During the Trump march to Electoral College victory? I heard “I’m going to New York” and “The (shuttle) van is here.” Not using the family private jet to look poor, I suppose. I know she has one, because I saw it in the air (D.C.) and on the ground guarded by females dressed in black (Burbank, CA). Why would I make this stuff up?

Trump was, as they say in the detective novel, “set up.”

I gave Ms. Moscow the last of my good “weed” in 1985, but she does not recall ever being at my house. I was asked this: “Can you get some more?” That was the end of my “set up.” After I leveled the “spying” allegation, her mom offered to get me a job at the New York Times and could have accomplished that easily. How? Mom let it slip that Mick Jagger was one of her old boyfriends. Lying? Bill Hughes does not do that. Michelle C. might recall being naked in the gorge where Ms. Moscow never swam if we could find her. (Her family is not surprisingly in the movie business).

Happy New Year,

William C. Hughes

Planetary Defense Squad @nasa.gov

And the Hughes-Person is always nuts?
No, they are!

06.22.2017

Ms. Siegel:

We have much to discuss before I depart the United States. First, some “lowlights.”

I never saw Charles E. Hughes angrier than when he was accused of being a “Martian.”

I do not seem to have my tape of ART BELL reading my fax on the air.

Likewise, I do not seem to have a copy of my e-mail from Mr. Bell’s successor on Coast to Coast AM.

I am quite sure a nutty German nurse stole my copy of a report to three organizations interested in reporting a UFO.

I am now certain the “UFO” was a man-made object and the date of the sighting may have been 08-08-08, proving my theory again your nation is riddled with people I call “Number Kooks,” and some of them are quite powerful.

I was stopped by a U.S. Navy police officer for taking a photo of the bus stop near the base where I think this monkey business consumes many tax dollars in total secrecy.

My phone went missing with your Langley fellows on it, one of which said, “We’ll get you in there” to see and write about the burnt up Apollo Command Module. My late dad had a simple explanation in real-time which was, “Bill, they couldn’t get out.”

Remember when a presidential candidate joked about Area 51? Those were kinder, gentler times.

Several years back, I filed FOIA’s with the Central Intelligence Agency, NASA, and the Department of Homeland Security. The first two responded, the third letter was likely stolen.

I believe my question for you related to space travel technology that would take a probe or person out of our galaxy now, not later. The Orion program is a big joke, isn’t it?

I’d love to make a movie. One of my “pitches” would not make you or RON HOWARD happy. In the “delusional” or just like Oliver Stone movie, the Apollo astronauts have body-doubles in case they perish. And, if you bother to review all of the audio and video as I did, the only mission that went well was Apollo 11. Why? My contention is that on every launch that was going somewhere, many tried to sabotage the mission and kill the spacefarers.

You people know I am right!

Can’t dock? Keep trying!

Lightning strike? I dissent from that story.

Spinning out of control toward the lunar surface? I heard the shouted obscenity live.

Trouble with the ascent engine? Better take a lot of time and make sure it lights!

On “practice runs” in Earth orbit and with the LEM over the moon but not landing, I asked my dad something like, “Dad, why are they being so cautious? Why don’t they just go there?”

Billy had a camera and three inch reels of tape going for 11.

When the computer alarm was reported I thought, “Keep going.”

Reading minds in 1969?

[My housekeepers at the motel where I am detained like a prisoner arrived to clean the bathroom. The female from India was scratching her head to convey a message of, “We are confused” about what I may or may not do. The only sign language I use conveys a message of “Fuck you.” I have a photo of your 43^rd president conveying this message to the media. Today, if they finally showed up here, I might signal in this manner. Did I mention I want a passport? UBS in Switzerland does not have long conversations with mental cases]

If I am wrong about Apollo 12, before I waste a movie producer’s time, why not write a response on paper and send it to me at this motel? What I’m asking is, “What happened to the English fellow in the Command Module?” He never flew another mission, and I think his perfectly preserved dead  body is still orbiting the moon. Be I wrong or right, movies are often fiction based on fact. I think many kids born to NASA and JPL personnel would want to see this: The spacecraft lighting is dim, the options are few, the windows are fogging-up, and after a grim meeting with the communications gear off, an actor playing PETE CONRAD says, “Let’s go to the moon.”

xxxx Watson Road

Unit 4

St. Louis, MO  63119

By the way, though everyone in the room on 23^rd Street here in St. Louis is deceased, it was my uncle who said this: “Charlie, it bounced a couple of times and screwed-up, but they’ve got another one.” How was I to know they were talking about the built by Hughes Surveyor, and if China gets to it next, maybe I should relocate to Beijing.

William C. Hughes

 

(310)? No way LA!

My new lawyer will call Bob Mueller and speak what language?
Colgate? Didn't a Hughes teach there long ago?
That is my toothpaste brand, when I am not being tortured and disrespected.
Where?
USA! USA! USA!

08.28.2016

Pennsylvania Humanities Council –

I do not see any name on your webpage like the one Mel Goodman suggested could be found. Mr. Goodman was referred to me by the Center for International Policy in my ongoing search to determine what happened to my former college mentor and Dean, Dr. Craig Eisendrath. The search first took me to the Friends for a Nonviolent World (FNVW) where he had been a guest speaker. I was given some information by the Executive Director, and then rudely treated by an Administrative Assistant.

Could we not repeat that, please? I have been consistently referred to as a “straight shooter,” but this fails to pay the rent. A book deal or movie deal would. If you read the attached, presumably free of “malware” letter I thought was going to Craig, I was seeking a hopefully favorable book jacket “blurb” for my second nonfiction effort on national security issues. (Do not replicate this if you desire a “normal” life).

First, I find it odd that Dr. Eisengrath omitted the name of my school, LINDENWOOD COLLEGE, from his bio. Secondly, when he was offering friendly suggestions as a Dean and sitting in the same room as a famous politician from Minnesota, I did not know he had worked for the State Department. (Not that it would have mattered regarding my political opinions or expression of them in 1975, 1976, or 1977).

Thirdly, I did not know Craig had a hand in the first and to my knowledge only treaty banning weapons in space. He was, in my remembrance, a man so possessed with ideas, he could not express them fast enough, so let’s all yell “Bipolar Disorder!” as was done with my former PhD spouse and myself. I’d like you to know I told Medieval Studies scholar Gayle Margherita, “I’m not paying for lithium” in the early 1980’s, and by the end of Reagan’s “Star Wars” decade, mine was headed down the toilet too. “Feels kind of Russian” is one of my expressions for USA’s rapid spike in violence and commensurate decrease in common social courtesy. Apparently, for dissenters the Gulag is back in style, and it can skillfully be made to be your own home, apartment, or in my case, substandard motel room.

A fourth and newsworthy point about this Harvard man is that the worst nuclear command and control screw-up in history took place while he was a liberal arts college Dean and I was the calm Third Class FCC licensee at our 1,500 watt campus radio station, still on the air as KCLC. I think Communication Arts Department Chair and former KSDK Channel 5 employee Gene Uram is deceased, but for the record, he was the one who said, “Turn the radio station back on” with a news wire sheet on my desk that said: THIS IS NOT A TEST.

Did I mention I’m looking a lot like Howard Hughes’ son? The theory I’ve freely shared for many years alleges that Nevada nuclear test opponent Howard, “Took a shot at a Pentagon satellite.” His people did not miss, and they came to me as elderly Hughes Aircraft retirees. So did actress Terry Moore, who did not marry Howard, and still had a very high opinion of him. “I stayed in love with Howard,” she said. I thought a Hollywood trick had been played, as she made her way to an ADA van on a walker. No, it was Ms. Moore, who was still taking an acting class at the public building where I was “stuck.”

A fifth point is, given I do not commit crimes or “harass” people, I may have left my last message for super-liberal Minnesotan’s, and it ended with, “They sure need a new treaty.” No weapons in space? I submit to you and anyone who knew Dr. Eisendrath that a World War III fought faster than your teenager’s video game may take place when the next evil satellite can’t find a parking spot. This is why Boeing executives call me back, yet I still have no lawyer willing to represent me. If you don’t know Craig’s whereabouts, how about a referral to the Hollywood stereotype “Crusading liberal lawyer?” He or she is pure fiction? That would disappoint a man who subscribed to The Nation for too long. (National Review I read in the library).

Thanks,

William C. Hughes