Saturday, June 18, 2016

Phil-A-Buster / Chuck-A-Burger

"My God, what a mess. I should have run for president."

Let’s see…it was Dee Gravlin who would send me to CHARLIE’S CHICKEN. It was HELEN BLAND who sent me to LEE’S CHICKEN. What does it mean? A). Bill had a valid Wisconsin or Missouri Driver’s license. B). Bill had an orange Audi 100LS or a white Chevrolet Impala. C). Granny had some crumpled U.S. currency on Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota. Let’s talk about the Great State of Minnesota.

1.    The late GEORGE MCGOVERN said to me, “We still vacation together. We go fishing up in MINNESOTA.”

2.    HUBERT HUMPHREY was from MINNESOTA. Howard Hughes called him “Hubert Humphries.”

3.    WALTER MONDALE was from MINNESOTA, and I’ve alleged previously that his daughter sold me cigarettes at Rennebohms during the 1980 campaign.

4.    I said to my spouse, “I think that’s Caroline Kennedy up there.” Gayle cannot be found to confirm she said, “Why don’t you just knock on the door?” I believe I said, “They might call the cops,” and yes, I spit on the library floor after watching video of Teddy in 1980. What dream? The One DARPA injects into your head, or is it JPL? Got any off-budget microwave zapping “projects” funded, Senator? BTW, the Kennedy family is not from MINNESOTA, but they are allowed to travel there, if they desire. BTW, the first thing I would do as Ambassador to China would be to call their capital “Peking” and make fun of Mao to piss them off, then call Caroline in Tokyo and ask what to do next.

5.    When I was allowed to go to Minneapolis, but not see an early Prince show, many people said, “Your baby is so cute.” How many times did I say, “That’s not my kid.” Sue was drunk and had just married Terry. How many Twins game beers later did she say, “Last chance.” I said, “Gayle would kill my ass.” A “ladies man” I am not. That winter, the Metrodome collapsed. To Mrs. Hughes I said, “Don’t they know it snows a lot up there?” 
6.    My lawyer moved to MINNESOTA.

7.    My Missouri DMH coworker moved to MINNESOTA.

8.    The woman who told me all about rich guy philanthropy moved to MINNESOTA.

9.    Two (2) NAMI St. Louis Executive Directors moved to MINNESOTA.

10. When the big break-in occurred on Genevieve, Charlie was not in favor of Helen moving to MINNESOTA Street. He was outvoted by Doris Hughes and Ralph Hughes. Years later, I said, “There’s your first black neighbor.” The N-word was used often in that household, but not by this recorder of bad deeds.

11.  Just last year, I frequently said, “I’ll meet with the damn cops up at MINNESOTA and Nagel.” Enough? Walter Brennan ordered his spooks to turn-off the CSPAN mike, but he was betrayed. Washington University Medical School “aphasia” again? No, I heard my name spoken, Brennan. After a hearing on the record, of course. Spooks, be gone!!! Did you say “cops?” Ready? “Officer, when was your last drug screen?” “May I see your proficiency ratings on the gun range?” “Have you been through Crisis Intervention Training?” “Would you like a CIT training on the motel parking lot?” “Off the top of my head, officer.” “Could you call the Watch Commander, so she may attend?” “Call Dr. Gowdy, and ask him to fax you my Vita.” “In Thousand Oaks, the cops said they don’t have a fax machine, so I took the liberty of knocking drug mules off their bikes.” “Deputy, they got up and rode away dressed head to toe in black.”

All bogus Secret Service agents and CBS reporters may write to:




"I'd like a refund on our pizza. Yes, this is the president. It was neither fast, nor hot, and it was not fresh. I was on vacation at the time. Yes, I can hold."

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