In keeping with the Presidential Restitution Act of 2016, I’m preparing urban Baggy Pants Boy’s Selective Service letter that will end his crack dealing. By e-mail? Someone will tell me how to do it. Big party out in the country corn field with white lightning and new pickup trucks that have never done a lick of work? Drunken oral sex? Son, you too are in the USA’s military soon, while President Hughes watches a big war on a screen my company invented in 1979. I did smoke some “weed” back then. Probably not as much as Jeb Bush. Try any “hard drugs,” Trump? Did anybody screen those guys? Are they fit to serve as County Clerk? Be honest.
Next? Under the terms of the legislation, Mr. Dewey will be your next president. Truman won? No, he knew a sufficient number of KC mobsters.
Is there a Nixon in the house? Disqualified by the terms of the Act as I read it, since Dick tried again and won in 1968. The 1960 election? Ask Jimmy Carter about it, if he is still with us.
Al, it’s you next, and what a fine piece of legislation it is, thanks to that genius, Paul Ryan. Gore’s too old to serve by then? He has better things to do? The next Gore down the (D) line will do. James Baker has run to court? Good luck! I’m sure he has money for endless litigation. Is he still alive? I’ll find out soon if the Crick.et has not run dry of bandwidth.
Middleton stole my shirt!
©Billghami el Salami, USAF Ret.