Tuesday, October 6, 2015

To The Woodshed

"I'm all ears, gentlemen."

"If a car should happen to explode on I-55, I had nothing to do with it. And, don't go making allegations about my fine crew of, uh, associates."

 "I need more cops. I have plenty of doggies, and when the HotSpotShotWatcher goes off, I send the t-party brigade of white guys who seldom shave. Later, we secretly fund guys with camos on to stare at liberals in the Panera, which is called the Bread Company only in our fair city. Also, we make sure that no matter what computer that Hues guy has, it will not get on the Wi-Fi. We also have a sure-fire plan to help the county cops when the radioactive waste is billowing over the the Ameristar Casino, which is bad for business. If the wind is toward Lambert, we've got guys in that tower who will sound the sirens, and then, when the populace does not see dark clouds, we will announce it is not the end of the world, like when North Korea launches their homemade Scuds with stolen nukes on top. We will tell them the Cardinal playoff game is cancelled through the air raid horns that Mr. Hues had for a rock band in a park, and it was too loud, so the County police told them to turn it down. Later, the lead guitiar player found Jesus, and all the local Reverends will be notified to pray, because the waste we did not know about could hurt dogs, cats, and people. It is also in the plan to have Hues unable to hear the warnings at his little house in the neighborhood where tradition calls for cetain off the books contributions to the cop pension fund, which is a bounus the lazy fireman does not have, since he just sits around the firehouse not doing much but watching Oprah on the satellite dish that has been given a big upgrade. And, we have a fresh intelligence report indicating Hues noticed these upgrades, so a littering ticket he can't pay would likely put him in our jail, which has a fallout shelter to make sure he at least stays alive to continue the gratuities for our valiant police department that does indeed have a slight problem in Alderman Moore's ward we do realize, and there will be total compliance with the findings of the Fergie and Andrew commission, in addition to the one that was covered in our fine newspaper, that Post-Dispatch. Am I off the topic? May I have another cup of coffee?"

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