"I am not, nor have I ever been employed with the Secret Service, but in view of the fact your phone does not work, the Starbucks Wi-Fi does not work, and no one on the entire West Coast of the alleged United States will allow you to use a phone, I am here to tell you Doctor Gowdy has purchased an Amtrak Southwest Chief train ticket. You are, by the way, the Continuity of Government President of the United States. Act as if nothing going on as you board the train, because Washington is nuked, and it was kept secret."
"Alright. What a fine fucking mess that is."